Sarandipity II

Drained

2011-12-20T19:59:00.004-05:00

I feel so completely drained. I haven't been able to do anything lately. Work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry, sleep, get up, work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry, sleep, get up, work, take care of kids, clean house, do laundry....

I miss my girlfriends. I miss going out with my husband. I miss having time to myself.

I do love my new job at DD's and I LOVE that I know there is additional money coming into the house to help tackle the bills now that I'm there its just so hard to find a balance. I need to get a gym membership asap or I'm going to go insane from not running. That is my outlet. I NEED to run. Its so therapeutic. And I feel like a million buck afterwards.

I am going to start The Happiness Project on the first of the year. I've had the book since March but have literally been waiting for the New Year to start it. And I need to finish my Dr. Phil book (that man is a genius).

I felt so rejuvenated after my six day stay at Butler Campus last month. Group therapy with Maria, Eric and Matt was the biggest help and I learned things about myself and my situation that I don't think I would have ever figured out on my own. I got a new psychiatrist, new medication (really the old stuff I stopped taking but a new dosage), and a therapist that I meet in the new year. Things are better at home, mostly because I have a new skill set on how to handle life here and Ben and I are getting back on track as well. Our trip to VT and the renewal of our vows was the catalyst in that case.

Off to go attack the laundry...and dishes...and then sleep, get up, work, take care of the kids.......

129.8

2011-11-02T23:28:00.001-04:00

That's right! I'm UNDER 130lbs!

*Happy Dance*

Yay for running, eating right, and a few boxing classes!

Walmart Wednesday

2011-11-01T21:51:00.003-04:00

My bestie Sara has a blog/link/jump thing that she does that's called Target Tuesday.

I, am a regular at Walmart so I thought I would counter that with a Walmart Wednesday.

This is a fabulous store. Mind you the quality is not so hot, but when you are a family of five that blows through clothes and necessities like wildfire spreads in California you gotta do what you gotta do. Not to mention any place with cheap groceries, baby products, health and beauty, a pharmacy, nail salon and anything else you can imagine all under one roof that saves me from loading and unloading a kindergartener, a toddler, a baby and a monster double stroller in and out of a corolla gets my vote. So without further ado...the purchases of fabulosity this week are:

You won't see anything cause my stupid computer freezes everytime I try to upload a photo now.

Awesome.

It was a kick ass sweater and scarf.

Sorry you missed it.

The Coveting of Scrubs

2011-11-01T21:37:00.003-04:00

I am pretty sure this will be a massive ramble but I'm going to let it flow out anyway.

I have wanted to be a doctor for a long time. Family would never support me in this. Only my husband and a few super close friends ever have. Eye rolls are something I have gotten accustomed to in my family. My sister is the "focused one" and I'm just the dreamer. I know how I am perceived. Funny thing about perception, it doesn't really tell you shit about shit. I started a degree in Surgical Technology in 2006 because I thought that would give me a foot into the medical field. Being a mother, my days and time are never really my own. But now, five years later, I still watch all these shows on tv, Grey's, old ER episodes, Discovery Health and all I think is "I could have been one of them". I watch my mom watch COPS, court shows and CSI and all these Criminal Justice shows. I said to her once "mom you love this stuff so much you should go back to school for it." She always says "Nah, its too late now." And although I know my mom is REALLY good at her job in finance/banking and all that, I always wonder...does she feel how I feel when I watch medical shows?

It is silly really. Going back to school now. How stupid. I have three kids, I don't use the degree I have now (the field is too overrun with BAPsychers that you can only be competitive with a Master, PhD or PsyD), I make cakes and run a business, and Ben just started his Bachelors degree all over again. But still....

I miss the feel of scrubs.

Sh*t or get off the pot

2011-08-30T23:39:00.002-04:00

I am coming to this not so nice place where I either need to really give TCB everything or I need to find a day job/get my masters/finish Surgical Tech. Its a lot to think about. I LOVE what I do with cakes and the shop but I am still not pulling in the business I need to make this a "full time paycheck". A lot of the money I make goes right back in or sucked into my house bills which makes it impossible to GROW TCB into what it needs to be. I feel like I have a constant headache. Oh, its a stress headache that I know for sure. I just wish I knew how NOT to have one....

Cliff notes of lately

2011-07-24T22:35:00.006-04:00

Wow I have not been blogging. Shame on me. So much has happened since my last blog entry! Here is the foot note version and I'll go into more detail in tomorrow's post.

Violette is completely healthy, becoming quite the roli-poli like her sister and has started to eat baby food.

Sav, has learned the word "NO" and is now a complete little Diva who throws fits worthy of her own reality show.

Aidan is growing taller and taller and is now swimming without "swimmies" in the pool.

Ben is miserable at his job but has found comfort in a weekly game night with his "boys" which has actually lead me to a fabulous new girlfriend as well.

Karaoke is back in my life, thank goodness because I really do find that to be so stress relieving and a fun way to get out.

I have started running and trying to eat healthier.

I reconnected with a long lost friend from middle school that I never thought I would see again in my life only to be spending laughter filled afternoons together with our kids.

And finally The Cake Biz is on fire. I am working longer and harder at making it a success and it is really paying off!

Off to bed now I have a meeting for TCB in the morning and then a much deserved massage scheduled for noon (thank you Groupon! I got this massage off of Groupon.com for ) 60% off like 4 months ago and I am finally using it!)

Best Dr. Phil advice ever...

2011-05-05T18:47:00.002-04:00

I have recently fallen in love with Dr. Phillip McGraw, aka Dr. Phil. I LOVE this take on things. I am yet to see a show or read an article or book by him that I do not agree with. This week he had two couples on his show that were not being honest about money with each other. Like one would cash her check on the way home on Fridays and hand her husband the same amount of money every week saying she was salary when in fact she was hourly and making WAY more than he thought. Another got $8k in a settlement and never told him....and spent every dime over the past year. They were talking about getting divorced and not being happy and Dr. Phil had this to say to them.

"I think we pull the trigger on divorce in America way too quickly. I think if you're going to get a divorce, you've got to earn your way out, and that means you've got to do all the work. You have to turn over every stone, investigate every avenue of rehabilitation you can before you quit."

This is what I could find of the quote from the episode online without having to buy the entire transcript...which I may just do because his speech at the end was THAT moving to me. But I agree. Its easy to walk away. Its easy to say, I'm done. Its easy to just close the door. Its hard to look in the mirror, assess what is damaged, and find a way to fix what was once "perfect". It is no secret in my life that I have an awful taste in my mouth because of my parents divorce when I was 19 years old. I'm not going to say I never thought of it, but I would like to know that if it ever came to that that I "earned" it. That I worked every second, of every minute, of everyday to try to make things work between me and my partner. I already said it but I'll say it again, I love Dr. Phil.

Just as I predicted...

2011-04-29T19:11:00.001-04:00

141.2 lbs this week. That's UP 3.2lbs.

FFS. Time to stop cheating the diet and get back to the rules and exercise. $*#&#^&$*$(&#(*#&^*W&^*@#)(!@&@(#*^

Week from Hell

2011-04-28T19:20:00.002-04:00

This week was easily one of the worst weeks of my life. Violette Rose is terribly ill. Multiple trips to Hasbro by ambulance and alternating that with trips to the pediatrician in the last four days has left Ben and I at the end of a very quickly fraying rope. Vi has been diagnosed with Severe RSV Brochiolitis. It is a common cold type virus but when infants get it it is harder to treat, fight, and control. Especially when they are only 4 months old like Vi. RSV can then lead to pneumonia or brochiolitis. We got the option two...and today were told that maybe even the start of option one. Fabulous. Vi also has a baby yeast infection, an ear infection and thrush. She is on a nebulizer round the clock until further notice and has to be seen by the pediatrician everyday for the next 5 days. Apparently this is the worst of it they say. The first week is the worst....it then plateaus symptoms for a week, and finally in week three they start to recover. In the meantime, since we have seen her turn blue, choke on her own mucas, and basically scare the living shit out of us Ben and I are on shifts never sleeping at the same time so that one of us can always have an eye and ear on her. Ben takes Midnight to 5am and I get up at 5am and he sleeps until Lunch at noon. Then at 1:30pm I get another hour or so of sleep while thing one and two are napping and he stays up with Vi. Then he goes to work at 4 and I am up till midnight when the whole thing starts again. Not my idea of a good time but when you are a parent you do what you need to do for your kids. And we would do anything.

In other news from Hell this week, The Cake Biz was denied its business license because the kitchen that I rent was not up to date with all of its kitchen safety, building inspection, fire code crap. This made me cry almost the entire way home from our meeting with the fire marshal since I have put everything we have into this business and I'm paying rent for a place that is not what I signed up to pay rent for. I can't get my business license till they fix this now, which means I can not advertise, or buy my supplies wholesale, or legally run my business now. I mean I physically can, the catering company is still functioning in there and they give you X amount of days to fix the issues so its not on lockdown or anything but it is just the point. It was supposed to be an easy transition into the Providence location and its turning into a headache. First with my fridge not working, being repaired and STILL not working correctly and now this. My head wants to explode. I laugh to keep from crying.

On Easter's Eve I was slammed and baking from 8am-11pm straight when I had to make a new batch of cream cheese frosting. I made it. I flipped the switch on the hobart mixer off and went to stick my pinky in to take a taste, er, quality check inspection, when WHAM! My hand, wrist and lower arm are pulled FORCEFULLY into the paddle on the machine mashing my hand between it and the steel bowl. Yeah, not my brightest moment. End result; 3 fractures in my right hand and a dislocated bone...and A LOT of swelling and bruising. But I'm a business owner damn it and I had orders to fill. I left the hospital at 1am, after driving myself there from The Cake Biz at 11:15pm, professionally wrapped by medical staff only to rip it off the second I got back to The Cake Biz and realized I could not hold a pastry bag or ice cookies with the splint on. Ah well. Today is 4 almost 5 days later and my hand still hurts when I pick up Savannah or write with a pen but other than that I feel fine. I think being overly distracted with Vi is actually helping to keep my mind off of it.

Vi has also helped to keep my mind off my diet and my ass out of the gym. Tomorrow's weight in should be a doosey.

138.4

2011-04-17T23:46:00.002-04:00

17th day of the 17 day diet. I'm done with Cycle One and start Cycle Two tomorrow. I was successful in having no alcohol for C1 but I slipped twice with bread (once at brunch with June and again today out to dinner with the family), I was able to avoid cheese, peanut butter and pasta the entire 17 days...which I am super proud of myself for. I did have a HUGE slip on day 12 when I ate thin mints, and a donut....and a burger from burger king but I actually felt awful (literally sick to my stomach) the remainder of the day/night and into the next morning. I didn't exercise everyday for 17 minutes but I would say I did 11 out of the 17 days, some days for an hour at the Y. I learned I actually love green tea and it is possible to drink 64 ounces of water a day. All in all I am excited to start the next cycle and see what I can do with that. I'm happy to state that I have lost 10.4 pounds so far. 15 to go! Off to bed now...I've got a cardio class in the AM.

140.8

2011-04-08T00:02:00.002-04:00

So I have officially lost 6 pounds this week! Holy Crap! Today is my seventh day of eating healthy. This week I have gone to a pilates class, a zumba class, and took two long walks with all three kids (pushing 50lbs of kid in the stroller). I haven't eaten a single slice of bread or bite of pasta and oh my goodness do I want cookies and a donut BUT I can see the numbers dropping and that gives me great motivation to keep going.

In other news I FINALLY got my phoenix tattoo fixed today by the fabulous Heather Smith of Mandrake Tattoo in Raynham. If you need work done I HIGHLY recommend her. Great artist, super clean shop, and amazing talent.

Off to bed...that treadmill will be calling in the morning!

143.4

2011-04-02T17:54:00.002-04:00

Did my weight today after three days of the 17 day diet...and I know it could totally be a fluke but in three days and 17 minutes of exercising each day along with the strict (I HATE IT) diet I have lost weight. The real weigh in is on Friday but I had to see if there as any change already.

143.4 today means I've lost 3.4 lbs! Ok...I guess I'll stick to the No-Carb-no-sweets-no-milk-wanna-kill-myself-diet. Thanks Dr. Phil. :)

148.8

2011-03-29T23:16:00.006-04:00

Today I got a fancy newfangled scale that keeps track of my weight from one weigh in to another and then promptly tells me if I have gone up or down with a big black arrow and a number that indicates by how much. Today it said "148.8" and I think I'm going to throw myself off a cliff. I feel gross and Ben has taken to calling me "Beefcake", all in love of course. lol

So today was DAY ONE all over again. I may need to start over and over but I think this time its going to stick. So....on day one I did 45 minutes on the treadmill which amounted to a measly 1.72 miles then I took a 10 minute break and took my first pilates class. This thing, pilates, must have been created by the devil. it was worse than that P90x ab ripper. Foolishly I thought pilates was like yoga but with weights or an exercise ball or something...oh no, this shit is COMPLETELY core work. I'm not going to be able to tie my shoes tomorrow.

I also took a brisk walk twice around the block with the kids (pushing Savvy, Aidan rode is bike and Vi was sleeping in my mom's view.) I ate my dinner, caved and had one 160 calorie bag of cheetos and then a banana and a big glass of water.

Tomorrow is Yoga in the afternoon and HOPEFULLY ZUMBA at night. I think I am going to try to get my bike from June tomorrow from the studio so I can ride my bike to and from the Bayside Y. Hmmmmmmmm

MUST. LOSE. 25. POUNDS.

Till I whine at the world tomorrow. G'nite.

148+

2011-03-24T00:37:00.002-04:00

So...I have successfully avoided not only the gym but the scale in the last two weeks. I do know that at my doctors appointment last week the scale there said 150lbs and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Mind you, I said "think".....not a whole lot of doing. I ordered a book today that Dr. Phil was raving about. It is no secret that I am in love with Dr. Phil, this philosophy, his psychological views and this therapy treatments are all along my same line of thinking and psych-study. It is called The 17 day diet. Basically you follow the guidelines like with any other diet but it switches up every 17 days, and you have to do 17 minutes of exercise each day as well. I can handle that. I want to talk to Meg about it because apparently it is based on "metabolic confusion" or "calorie switching". I don't know much in this area but from what I could understand it sounds scientifically correct so I'm willing to give it a shot. Plus with my Borders Rewards membership I was able to get the damn book 65% off and with free shipping. So for $11.57 I'm going to give it a go.

Right now I can't even look at myself in a mirror. I feel disgusting and insanely unattractive. I just want to feel like ME again....

146

2011-02-28T20:05:00.002-05:00

Today I'm 146lbs. I lost 2 pounds last week. Apparently eating salad for lunch and not eating cookies and dunkin donuts everyday has something to it. Now to start the working out as well. Today I went to the gym for a yoga class, it was canceled so I had to do cardio on an elliptical machine followed by the new way too much fun bike game thing (pictured above) for the one mile course and tonight I am doing my ab workout (death). Tomorrow I am going to attempt the Y Pump weight class when I drop Aidan off at school in the morning.

Here goes nothing....

Some thoughts on marriage....

2011-02-28T20:03:00.001-05:00

When you marry someone and you say those vows it is a LIFETIME commitment. People give up too easily. Divorce should be illegal. Maybe people will take their vows more seriously that way. I love you Ben Norman and I'm so lucky to have you. ♥

148

2011-02-21T18:41:00.003-05:00

I am now 148 pounds. I am disgusted with myself and feel so unattractive that I don't want my husband to touch me. Everytime he touches my waist I get an instant ping of self consciousness about the lovely roll of fat that my latest daughter has graced me with post pregnancy. That and OMG what the hell is this sagging under my biceps? Am I really THIS out of shape. How can that be? I live on the second and third floor of my apartment house, my laundry is in the basement and with cloth diapers I am doing laps upon laps thoughout the day. I have a 9lbs newborn that insists I carry her everywhere and a 25lbs toddler who I am constantly moving and picking up throughout the day. Not to mention if I go anywhere outside of the house I am carting both of them in my arms. Nonetheless, I am 148 pounds. My size 10 jeans constantly fall down so I have to hike them up every 2 minutes, and my size 8 jeans, although buttoned, are creating the most profound muffin top you've ever seen in your life. Today I decided to eat a good breakfast, light lunch, regular dinner and only a few healthy snacks as opposed to my daily box of girl scout thin mints (damn you girl scouts and damn your cookies). I am trying to be more aware of the nutrition label on things, you would be amazed what counts as a serving on some of this shit. AND I was informed by Meg my clinical dietitian friend that "No, bacon is not protein." It is indeed all fat. DAMN IT

Today I decided that along with my eating better (I even bought fat free milk GAG) I am going to go to sleep at a decent hour and I am going to work out 5 days a week until I am down to a size 6 or 125lbs whichever comes first.

I can't stand my body right now. When you grow up your entire life being stick thin, with nicknames like Olive (from popeye) and twiggy and skinny minnie when you put on weight like I have and then you put on more weight...you not only feel unattractive, but you feel horribly uncomfortable in your own skin. I hate that.

Taking on water....

2011-02-02T15:30:00.003-05:00

Our family ship is starting to sink. Oh the love is there and my gosh if we could live on love we would be SO well off but we don't. We live in America where dollars have the bottom line and nothing is as important as the credit score attached to your social security number.

My husband is a hard working man. He works, and he works, and he works. All while learning to juggle a growing family and a wife who requires way too much attention. For the second month in a row we are severely struggling with paying our rent. I am not working out of the house and this lapse in income is starting to weight down our ship. Ben and I made a plan for the next 6 months to get ourselves back on track. He was going to start looking for a full time day job and I was going to wait tables at night for additional income. This satisfied both of us, as he would not have to be a server and I would be able to spend a majority of my time with our young children. However finding a day job is proving to be much harder than we thought. In the past 3 days I have seen the love of my life slowly crumble and give in to depression, a demon I am very familiar with and battle daily myself. I too have applied for many jobs but they don't pay what we need them to. At this point do I keep on looking while we bail the water we are taking on or do I throw in the towel and take the job at the coffee shop for minimum wage during the day because hey, at least its something.

First 30 of the new 101

2010-12-31T15:43:00.000-05:00

30/101
1. read and finish The Happiness Project
2. find something one on one to do with each child. Like a sport or a hobby just mommy and me activity
3. payoff all credit cards
4. trade in the Corolla for a minivan
5. make a daily schedule for the kids and stick to it. Rotate activities (sports) as the seasons change.
6. get the point where I can set up all my bills to pay automatically and not have to worry about it
7. Study and take the GRE
8. Apply and get accepted into a Masters Program
9. Get back to O-Town
10. Twenty spa visits. Cause I deserve it damn it.
11. Buy a cook book and make everything in it. (ala Julia/Julia style)
12. Get Ben to NYC for a night
13. Ireland
14. Sesame Place with the kids
15. Get in the water with sharks (Typhoon Lagoon is a good start)
16. Knit that blanket for my mom I keep saying I'm going to
17. Learn to quilt
18. Make memory quilt out of the kids baby stuff.
19. Complete the upper arm sleeve
20. Try Lobster
21. Take the family on a picnic with our own longaberger picnic basket
22. Start retirement planning
23. Get life insurance
24. Learn French
25. Learn Spanish
26. Take Ben for a day/night at Cocoa Village. Lunch at Murdocks, is a must and Ultra Lounge for drinks.
27. New Orleans
28. Miami
29. 5 RedSox games
30. Play in a casino poker tournament

Bring on 2011...oh and 101 in 1001 starts again

2010-12-30T18:52:00.002-05:00

So my favorite holiday is here! New Year's Eve. I LOVE NYE. I love the whole idea of starting fresh, making resolutions, clean slates and the magic of the change a year can make. I always liked this holiday, in my early twenties it was more for the party but in the last five years its more for the philosophical take, the rebirth so to say. Today is the 30th, my new daughter is one week old today, and even though I am feeling under the weather (thanks to my two eldest children and their germfest) I am going to start my new 101 list. I had about 50 things down already but they are on our family computer which has unfortunately met its demise two weeks ago(Damn hackers). So tonight my goal is to come up with at least the first thirty and then finish by the ball drop tomorrow night at midnight. Which for the third year in a row I will be watching from the comfort of my couch, in my PJ's, having a glass of wine with my husband.

It is amazing how family life can change you. Instead of an outrageous party in Downtown I am most excited for having my children in bed, and me on the couch to watch Ryan Seacrest (GAG) try to replace the irreplaceable Dick Clark. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Party of Five

2010-12-30T13:23:00.003-05:00

Miss Violette Rose Norman was born on Dec 23, 2010 at 8:46am. She weighed and measured exactly like her sister Savannah at 6lbs 9oz and 19.5 inches long. She is the most adorable thing. She makes these little squeaky noises and LOVES to be snuggled and falls asleep instantly when I hold her. I feel like our family is complete now. Three BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY children bless me with their presence everyday and although I am well aware of the "honeymoon" stage of a new baby and how it will eventually wear off I can't help by smile ear to ear when I look around our home and see our preschooler, toddler and newborn who all look at me with these giant eyes and smiles for "Mommy".

Mommy. That is I. And no office, no career, no paycheck could ever replace the wonderful feeling I have when I am home raising my children. I am truly lucky to be able to do so...even if only for a little while.

Violette (sp)

2010-11-11T14:40:00.002-05:00

New interesting things I found on the name Violet. Which we will now be spelling Violette if Ben can stop making omlette jokes about spelling it that way. lol

"Violet;From the Old French violette, a diminutive form of viole, which is derived from the Latin viola (a violet). The name has been in use since the Middle Ages in France. As a flower, Violet has a variety of meanings: Love; Modesty; Virtue; Affection; Faithfulness ("I'll always be true") and a Good Luck symbol for women. Violets can be either violet or white. The violet is February's birth flower."

Love that its a good luck symbol for women and I had no idea that violets could be white.

That is it for today's piece of useless trivial information.

You are welcome. :)

Employment Rant

2010-11-06T14:43:00.002-04:00

I had to turn down a job that I generally would have LOVED today. The money was good, the job itself was JUST what I would have wanted and who would have been my boss would have made an amazing mentor in the field of Psychology. The kicker is this job was at a hospital, which means not only would I FINALLY be working in a hospital but I would be in a Union. I am not so much a fan of being in a union as I am the exclusivity that comes with job opportunities once you are in. Anyway, it was as a therapist. The only catch was of course, as always, the hours. It was a per diem position but for the first five months I needed to be available 3-8pm Monday through Friday. Ben is home Wed and Friday, but that still leaves three other days/nights that I have no sitter for the kids. If the hours were reversed, say 8-3pm or something it would have been much more doable.

I'm just heartbroken.

It was a job in my field, using my degree, in a hospital, with full benefits even at 25 hours...and I had to turn it down. IN THIS ECONOMY I HAD TO TURN DOWN A GREAT JOB.

FML

Hijacked

2010-10-14T05:38:00.002-04:00

My Princess Piglet/Peanut daughter has hijacked our King size bed

On a nightly basis, yes I said nightly, she is in our bed sleeping between me and my husband. She rolls, thrashes, kicks, and all but beats us up in our sleep. She also has a way of making a King size bed feel like three people are sleeping on a twin size mattress. My DH, who lovingly can not part with her and insists she sleep with us nightly has 3/4 of the bed while the princess is habitually pushed to my side of the bed...every night.

Mind you, besides the normal annoyances of having a child sleep between my husband (whom I see rarely because of his schedule) and myslef I am seven months pregnant. So sleeping is not exactly that comfortable for me to begin with. And I take up more room than a NOT seven month pregnant person yet I still seem to be pushed to lay unable to sleep most nights.

It is 5:49am, I should be getting the sleep and rest I need to take on tomorrows activities with the kids. Instead, I am downstairs blogging to kill time and seriously considering sleeping on the couch.

Still fighting that feeling...

2010-10-12T12:10:00.002-04:00

I have wanted to go to medical school for years now. I even have most of my pre-med done, only two classes to go. Once I had Savannah DH and I weighed the options and being home with my children was the winner. Now with a third on the way and knowing I am going to be for the majority of at least the next 5 years a homemaker/stay at home mom, I feel I am put in a pretty good spot to peck away at classes and a higher degree. The problem is you can't peck away at an MD. I still watch Grey's Anatomy, old episodes of ER and all those shows and am instantly in love all over again with going to work in scrubs and wearing gloves 80% of the day.

I also think about going back to NEIT to finish my Surgical Tech degree. At least then I could be in a hospital setting and work per diem for some really good money when I can. But five years after I started that program they are eliminating a lot of those positions and giving the work load to OR Nurses now. I don't want to complete another degree process only to be in a field that is going to be extinguished in a few years.

So I'm still left, fighting that feeling.

From my husband

2010-10-02T22:36:00.001-04:00

This was in my husbands blog. I wanted to post it here in case he ever deletes his blog I can have it FOREVER in mine. I reread it today, and it made me cry.

"Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wife
There will never be, nor has there ever been someone more important, more caring, more loving, more understanding, more beautiful, more encouraging, more supporting, more forgiving, or more loyal in my life than you.

I love you more than words will ever allow me the luxury of elaborating on. You are everything to me, and without you behind me pushing me to be better I would be lost and alone. This time last year we were holding our breath waiting for that life changing moment where I stumbled through putting your wedding band on your finger and saying "I do". A phrase that will forever echo in my memory.

I still remember your face that day, staring into your eyes knowing that I married my best friend, knowing that I would love you and cherish you all the days I am alive, and into eternity.

I know lately we get lost in the struggle of our daily lives, and I know I do not stop enough to tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much I love you, but I want you to know that I do very much so, with every ounce of energy I have in me.

I could not, nor would I change anything about you, and I could not pick anyone better to spend my days with. So if I forget to tell you I love you, and you need to hear it, you can always come here and read it, and I will do my best to remember.

We did manage to get a lot done this year, though we have not met all of our goals, we did do a few things that bettered our position.

* we moved out of warren into a nicer house
* we have a back yard
* we had a beautiful baby girl
* you have almost finished your bachelors degree
* I am starting a new career
* we sold the bmw
* we bought a second car
* we figured out a method to raise our son that seems to work
* you got a part time job teaching dance, which you love
* I got over my fear of you teaching dance
* we got health insurance after a lot of back and forth
* we had fun at a toy store

And the list goes on....

I love you Sara Norman with all of my core, do not for a moment forget it.
Posted by BCN at 10:23pm"

You, my dear, are grounded!

2010-09-22T07:58:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I felt AWFUL. Super fatigued, beyond exhausted, monstrous headache, you get the idea. I called my doctor's office and they said it may be the low blood count and to lay down and go into the hospital if I felt worse later in the day. Since the hospital can process blood work faster than my doctor's office who need to send it out for results. I did end up going into the hospital and my DH once hearing that I was going to go in with the kids in tow left work to come home and be with them. This was 3:30pm.

By 5pm I was having regular contractions, feeling worse, admitted, with an IV for fluids and a bunch of tests being run on my blood and "other" things to determine what that hell was going on. I'm only 26 weeks pregnant, labor is REALLY not an option right now. My mom offered to come pick up the kids from Ben at home so that he could join me at the hospital and he was there by 6pm.

One of the tests I had done was a Fetal Fibronectin (fFN): A Test for Premature Delivery (google it, I had never heard of it and its kind of neat scientifically speaking). After an hour or so we learned that it was positive. Not so good.

More monitoring, more tests, an ultrasound, and an exam showed I was 1 cent dialated. I was then given labor-suppressing (tocolytic) medication through my IV and the contractions came to a halt. They kept me there for three more hours to make sure they didn't return and then let me go home. On the strict stipulation that if ANY contractions start again to come directly back so they can try to stop them. If they can't I get an ambulance ride to Woman & Infants because Memorial Hospital doesn't have a NICU and that is what the baby would need if I delivered this early.

My mother and Megan were in constant communication with me via cell phone, which was nice to know they were there for me, always good to have some strong females in your team. Megan offered a bunch of times to come down, if I was getting worse I would have had her come but things seemed to be slowing down and I was in the best place I could be. The weirdest part of this entire thing for me was I went in because I wasn't feeling good...NOT because I was having contractions. Those started AFTER I was already admitted for fatigue and being considered for a blood transfusion.

On a happy note I got to see nurses Barbara, Kim, and Corliss who all helped in my labor and delivery for Savannah last August. I love those women and I loved that they remembered me even more. They even remembered details of my 19 hours with them last year, they brought things up I had even forgotten until they mentioned them and we all had a good laugh. I was touched. I love Memorial Hospital, the personal care is one of the things I feel sets them apart from W&I in Providence.

So, end result; Lots of rest (yeah right, even as I type this I got up this morning with the kids, got Aidan ready for school, made breakfast and lunch for him and am about to drive him there) and baby girl number two is GROUNDED....for at least another 10 weeks I don't want to see her beautiful little face!

An Oath of sorts..to my family

2010-09-17T23:09:00.003-04:00

I want and claim the right for my children to feel appreciated and valued by me and by everyone in our family. I do not want them to ever feel alone or doubt their place in a loving committed family. I want my kids to know and feel that they are loved for who they are, that I am proud of them and that I will always be there for them. I may not endorse everything they do, but I will not ever reject them. If any member of my family feels like their contributions are not being recognized or acknowledged by others in the family, that's not okay....not now, not ever. I believe that children live what they learn and I want to teach them by example that relationships in our family are sacred, to be honored and to be cherished. I know that family life has its ups and downs, its arguments, problems, conflicts and differences of opinion. And that there has NEVER been a family free of rough spots. But I want our family relationships to be so strong that they transend the inevitable daily strife of family living. I want everyone in my famiy to be true to themselves, loving themselves, feeling fulfilled and living with peace and joy.

I do not think this is an impossible thing to accomplish. It just requires dedication and focus. I love you Ben, Aidan, Savvy, and baby yet to be named.

Always.

My favorite things

2010-09-01T10:22:00.003-04:00

As I sit here watching Sesame Street with my almost 5 year old and now 1 year old daughter, as we do every morning at 10am, I am so amazed that these little beautiful kids are mine. I know I complain as most moms do, about the laundry and the thanklessness of being a housewife (one who also works outside the house in this case). But in reality, things are pretty awesome with my kids now.

Aidan has gotten his "extreme temperament" under AMAZING control. We talk. We laugh. We genuinely enjoy each others company. No more yelling, no more crying, no more kicking and hitting. Just Aidan. My adorable little man has returned and I am SO beyond blessed to be part of his world.

Savannah turned one five days ago and I still can not believe it. She is babbling away now and pulls herself up on EVERYTHING. She's a little explorer and still the happiest easiest baby I've ever known. The only thing I would change is Daddy still insists she sleeps in our room, most of the time in our bed. I love her, but I also love my alone time and my bedroom should be a sanctuary. Children can sleep in our bed with us occasionally but nightly is a completely different story. I digress, Sav is perfection. She is a smiling princess piglet of perfection. I can not imagine what the next baby girl will have in store since I idolize Savs so much.

The next baby girl, whom shall remain nameless until her birthday since we can not decide on a name to save our lives, is active nightly and is still the best little pregnancy ever. THIS is how I can almost see the "I didn't know I was pregnant" shows can happen. If I was heavier I would never know I was pregnant. My belly isn't hard, its squishy, I have no other symptoms besides fatigue which can easily be chalked up to my schedule. If every pregnancy was like this I would have a dozen!

Ok off to clean the house, get a new tire for the car and do laundry...it never ends...but I love it.

It's just me, myself and I

2010-08-25T01:33:00.003-04:00

Its 1:33am

I am once again left disappointed and alone at the end of what should have been a fun and lovely evening. My "best friend", or so he would like to be called, quit smoking yesterday, after starting up again in secret over a month ago. As a result of his sudden stop in nicotine intake I have endured nasty comments and snippy remarks all day. We also didn't make our family outing as planned today.

Tonight, we had friends and some family over for games, drinks, and snacks as we usually do once a month. As usual I was incharge of gathering all the food, supplies, and drinks for the evening as well as making dinner. No biggie, I'm used to it. My issue comes from the promise of a new man, the promise of the man I married that has somehow faded into the darkness and has been swallowed by "distractions". Distractions that morph from day to day. One day cigarettes, the next day alcohol, the next day TV, the next day online poker...which tonight resulted in the TV being on while company was here (a well know pet peeve of mine) and the actual rudeness of playing poker on his cell phone while we tried to play a group game and have adult conversation with our guests.

Where did you go? Where are you? I miss you and I want you back. Two weeks ago I was promised your return and since then....you are still MIA and my heart is breaking.

The Switch-a-roo

2010-08-20T00:38:00.003-04:00

Pretty sure Ben and I are going to change the new baby's name...Rosalie is too close to Savannah Rose, which is what we call Savs most of the time. So, we are going back to our very first girl name choice when we found out it was a girl at the 16 week ultrasound, Violet. And just for shits and giggles (and because Lucia doesn't go with Violet...it starts to sound like Violently when you yell it) we may just give her my middle name, Jean. Violet Jean Norman.

Let's see if this one sticks.

Breathing again

2010-08-19T11:24:00.002-04:00

So, I've started breathing again. My bestest and I got our kids together yesterday afternoon for a few hours of fun at the children's museum. It was our first time hanging out since the awful day we discovered that my son has "extreme/intense temperament" and assaulted one of her kids, badly. I feared for the last few weeks that our friendship would end over this event and even though neither of us would have seen it coming it still pained me to an insanely guilty state. I mention Meg in a lot of my blog entries so I am sure anyone who reads knows what she means to me. She is my rock. I have been at a loss in the last few weeks without her. I didn't want to over crowd her and in advice from a mutual friend gave her the time and space to heal a bit and then contact me. When I saw her yesterday at the museum I wanted to jump out of my chair, give her the biggest hug and just start crying (a mix of both joy and sadness, sadness over what happened but joy over the fact that she was there in front of me once again).

But I didn't. I stayed put in my seat, fed Savs and we went about our normal conversation. I can not believe how big her son has gotten and how fast he is moving/running around! I missed him. I missed her. I missed our little jumble of freak show kiddie fun together. You know how they say it takes a village? Not true. It takes one reeeeeeeeeeally good friend who understands what you mean, how you feel, and what your going to do.... before you even have to say it. That's Meg.

Lady in Waiting

2010-07-19T14:03:00.003-04:00

There are times when I really do wonder if the people in my life feel the same way about me as I do them.

For the second time this month I had plans with someone and was cast aside for a chance to get a wee bit drunk. As if all consideration and thoughtfulness goes out the window and I end up being the person who gets the short end of the stick. We made plans, twice. I got excited, twice. I arranged my day, twice. Only to be let down, twice.

I feel like I'm always waiting. Waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for someone to get home, waiting for someone to call me with an invitation to go do something (which I normally can't anyway because I always have the kids in my care), waiting for the next day DH has off so we can spend some time together (not that this even matters because the XBox and friends also want his attention)...even married, I'm still a Lady in Waiting.

SmartyPig Widget

2010-07-14T10:58:00.000-04:00

SmartyPig Widget: "Check out my SmartyPig goals."

We have a name

2010-07-11T10:48:00.002-04:00

So we knew for a while now what the baby's first name was going to be if it was a girl and now we have the middle name. Martha Zapata is someone very close to me. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and although she lives 1,200 miles away I still consider her one of my closest friends. The inside jokes we share go on for days and of course there is always Ireland. ;) In honor of her I (we) wanted to include her name in our baby's...but Martha just doesn't flow right. Sooooo we decided to use her middle name as our new daughter's middle name. I am so excited to get to honor the friend who stood by me through pregnancy, moving, life changes and motherhood by passing a part of her onto my second daughter, Rosalie Lucia Norman.

IT'S A GIRL!!!! AGAIN!!!!

2010-07-08T00:29:00.001-04:00

Ultrasound today told us two things....

1)Ben was right...its a girl. To be named Rosalie :)

2) My due date is December 31st NOT the 22nd as they originally guessed. NEW YEARS BABY!

#3 symptoms and a quick update

2010-06-27T12:45:00.003-04:00

Ok so I'm two days shy of 15 weeks and I can honestly say this is the best pregnancy so far (knock on wood). Aside from the normal first trimester fatigue and headaches that I had with Aidan and Savannah the only other thing that is symptomatic is my weird craving for broccoli cheese soup and baked potatoes SMOTHERED in bacon, butter and cheese. I mean I always liked baked potatoes but now I eat one almost daily. I get them at work, I have Ben bring some home, or I scrap up change to get one at Wendy's. What is more ridiculous is the broccoli soup thing. I can count how many times I have had broccoli cheese soup in my life....three. But it is all I think about....weirder still because it is freaking 90 degree's outside!

I am still convinced that this baby is a boy. Ben is convinced that it is a girl. Only a few more weeks until we know for sure. Aidan is excited about having another sibling but he is on Team Blue as well....as he wants a little brother now. Speaking of my little man he got a "daddy haircut" and looks like he has aged 3 years to me. I can not believe how big he is getting. I feel like yesterday I was helping him learn to walk...now he's jumping into pools and writing his name beautifully.

Savannah had an overnight at Hasbro Children's Hospital last week for an observational overnight to monitor her oxygen levels when she sleeps since she stops breathing every once in a while and then takes fast huge gulps of air afterward. Her oxygen levels never dropped more than 1% so they did other assessments and then decided that she was ok to go home until a more in-depth sleep study could be done in July in Boston. They also figured out that she doesn't need early intervention....she's just content (lazy) and will do things when she wants. Which is apparently what my sister did as well, according to my mom.

Ok back to the Sunday grind...clean clean clean...just so it can get destroyed tomorrow and Ben can say I don't do housework. *eyeroll*

Megan's Memorial day

2010-05-31T23:38:00.001-04:00

In case she forgets to blog it; here are the cues; package store with the kids, then walks an empty double stroller home.

BWAHAHAHAH!

The Happiness Project

2010-05-23T18:10:00.002-04:00

I mentioned it in an earlier post but I FINALLY bought the book that was recommended by some classmates in my Abnormal Psych class a few months ago. I waited till I racked up $15 in Borders bucks, THEN I amazingly had a 33% off coupon in my gmail inbox that I could use and to my "happy" disbelief I got the $26 book for $2.43. Not a bad way to start my Happiness Project off if I do say so myself. Off to purge the closets and get rid of all of these extra PILES AND PILES of clothes around the house and then dinner, kids in bed, and I'm diving into my book!

MA MA!!!

2010-05-17T11:06:00.001-04:00

SHE IS SAYING MA MA!!!!

I cried the first time I heard it...makes me SOOOO HAPPY to hear it!

What is that I see????

2010-05-14T20:47:00.004-04:00

Here is a little of the situation that has been playing out over the last fourteen days....I was late, got BFP, went to doc, got BFP there too, went to ultrasound the next day for dating to figure out how far along I am only to discover that there was a gestational sac but NO BABY growing in my uterus. Something they diagnosed as a Blighted Ovum. Sad, cry, move forward, make doctors appointment for Wednesday May 12th to do follow up.

So.... I went to the doctors on the 12th to do a confirmation ultrasound basically to figure out at what stage in my miscarriage I was in, whether I needed a D&C and/or if my body had already started the process and no medical intervention would be necessary. To the entire office's and my own disbelief there on the screen appeared a little peanut....with a heartbeat. The office is calling it the "miracle baby" since it was confirmed quite a few times that there was no baby growing last week BUT this week....there is a perfectly healthy 8 week old baby out of nowhere. They said it was now safe to spread the word and let family know since a strong healthy heartbeat was established multiple times.

I now present you with Bambino Numero three....The third (and unplanned) addition to the Norman Family.

Kiss that waistline goodbye....

2010-05-09T19:48:00.001-04:00

We are on to round three...

EDD 12/22/10

;)

Second week of April

2010-04-16T21:33:00.002-04:00

I'm down 7 pounds! AND a dress size! I give 100% credit to the fact that I have been riding again. I started a lease on a horse two weeks ago and I am sore practically daily BUT I am losing pounds and inches. Even my boss at the dance studio noticed!

Meg and I chipped in together for a Wii Fit that is also way more fun than I remember it being. I wish I had it here though... I think I would be more dedicated.

As for The Cake Biz, its a big month for me. My first bridal show is tomorrow, I have a cake every weekend and my orders from Andrew's Bistro have almost doubled.

On the outside employment front I was offered a job, finally, at Riverside Community Care. I will be there resident overnight counselor starting next week. (Thanks to some amazingly glowing recommendations from Meg and Tony).

Well thats it for now... off to bake the night away in preparation for tomorrows show!

Epic Fail

2010-04-02T00:38:00.001-04:00

I have in the last month, ok six weeks, been to the gym......ZERO times.

Sad I know. I put back on the 7 pounds I lost. Awesome.

So started over this week. Again, the rules are;

1. Get my fat ass to the gym
2. Stop eating crap
3. Be Dedicated

Stats; 145lbs size 13 (GAG)

Week three and four of Mission Bikini Body 2010

2010-02-22T16:39:00.002-05:00

Week three; I only got to the gym once BUT I wore Meg's pedometer at work and found out I walk over 4.5 miles a shift and I take the stairs up and down the floors instead of the escalators and elevators. I have been sticking to me healthy eating, no fast food and no cookies so far. Just a LOT of fruit and deli meat sandwiches. I am having a bit of trouble balancing work and home time. I am so exhausted I barely have time to sleep never mind clean my pit of a house, catch up on laundry and spend quality time with my kids and husband. It has to get better right? Results; Lost another 2 lbs week three making it 9.5lbs lost total.

Week four; Did not get to the gym AT ALL. :( Stuck to the health food and skim milk. Took the stairs, and did not eat any crap. Had one small bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream one night but followed that up the next day by running the stadium stairs on my break at work. I have noticed that now my size 10 pants are getting a bit big! Results; down another 2 lbs, Total lost after four weeks is 11.5 lbs :)

She rolled....we missed it

2010-02-17T08:25:00.001-05:00

Yesterday while I was doing homework at the computer and Savannah was playing on her rain forest mat Ben walked into the living room and said "whoa!". I turned around to see what he was looking at and the cute little baby girl that I had laid on her back about ten minutes ago was now on her belly! We missed the actual roll, so we tried to bait her into doing it again in which she laughed and smiled at us as if to say "your nuts, I'm not doing that on demand".

Diva.

Newest book want...

2010-02-16T15:13:00.001-05:00

Week two of Mission Bikini Body 2010

2010-02-06T16:50:00.002-05:00

So week two I only got to the gym three times last week although I was still able to beat my time. I slipped up one night and had a McChicken from the dollar menu at Mcdonalds. Then I felt shitty after that, cause I had been doing so well. I don't feel too guilty about not getting the gym 5 times last week because I started my new job at Twin River and I easily walk 6-9 miles a night there....in heels. When I got on the scale at the Y I had sadly only lost 1.5 lbs this week, totaling 5.5 so far. This week should be better as I have stuck to my "stop eating crap" rule and have dutifully exercised.

Here's hoping, that bikini I bought is looking better and better every Monday when I weigh in :)

A facebook reply to live by

2010-01-28T13:28:00.000-05:00

"The day a game console even enters the conversation about priorities in relation to the good lovin' is the day someone needs a good cockpunch." - Ted Boynton

Mission: Bikini Body 2010

2010-01-25T23:17:00.005-05:00

So after having my lovely daughter and now, five months later, weighing what I did when I was pregnant with her *cough* 147 *cough* I decided to make a lifestyle change. Three rules I now follow to get me back into my pre-Savannah bikini for the 2010 swimsuit season.

1. Stop eating crap.
2. Get my fat ass to the gym
3. Be dedicated

So far we are 9 days in, I have lost 4 lbs and am RUNNING for the first time in my life. I have beat my 1.5 mile time every time I run so I think I am going to aim for 2 miles on Wednesday. :)

I have started a log with virtualtrainer.lifefitness.com as well as on fitday.com to keep track of my healthy eating and exercise to make sure I am not over or under doing it.

I have substituted fruit (mainly apples, oranges and watermelon) for my sweets (I miss you cookies). And I switched from whole milk (MY FAVORITE) to Skim. I also eat one salad a day when I'm extra hungry instead of stuffing whatever I find in my mouth to satisfy the munchies I get from my former bad eating habits. So far so good!

Tomorrow I have a 6:30pm Zumba class planned...we'll see if my legs will forgive me from the extra "push through the pain" and reverse crunches I did tonight so that I can make it to that class!

After one month I am going to take my measurements again and see if there is a difference there. God I hope so cause these thighs have got to go!

This is my new trainer...she's a bitch (but I love her):

Our every wish fulfillment

2010-01-12T13:52:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I landed a job. A good job. A great job. A life changing job.

Ben and I are so excited and RELIEVED to have TWO APPROPRIATE incomes for the first time in three years.

I am the new Assistant Beverage Manager at Twin River Casino. My staff is quite extensive but I am confident in my abilities to lead and manage them. My only fear is child care. Megan has, as always, offered to be there for us but I don't want her to get burnt out or start to resent my phone calls. For now, just trying to concentrate on the positive, wonderful news that this is.

This is it. We did it. We are on our way out of this black hole of financial quick sand. I woke up this morning and part of me thought it was a dream.

I can not believe it. It is so surreal. Nothing THIS good ever happens to me and Ben, with the exception of each other and our kids of course. I am just waiting for the rug to get pulled out, isn't that sad? I blame my mother. Who coincidentally crapped on my parade within minutes of finding out about the job offer. Her tone is unmistakable.

Today I am trying to take it all in. I look around me and I know that soon my cabinets will be full of my favorite food and not just the store brand crap that we can barely afford. That the piles upon piles of overdue bill are going to be paid, on time and in full. That we are going to have two cars again. That we are going to have a savings account. That my poor over-worked husband is going to only have to work ONE job for the first time in.....FOREVER. That my kids can take dance, and play soccer without me worrying about how I'm going to pay for their uniforms. That that vacation we need SO BADLY in June is actually a graspable reality now. That when my family is sick we can go to the doctor, and its completely paid for. That I have job security because I am now a union member. That in a time of economic crisis, Ben and I are going to come out on top. That we are going to have that house we always wanted. Most importantly, that we can expand our family in 2011 like we dreamed we would but didn't see it financially possible.

Wow. Talk about your every wish fulfillment.

Dreaming of Steve Madden

2009-12-30T04:46:00.003-05:00

Ok Ok my husband got me a type of shoe of the month club. Shoedazzle.com for Christmas. This amazing act, and super thoughtful since I LOVE shoes and NEVER buy any, has woken the beast that lay dormant for so long. The shoe monster has infested my brain and I CAN NOT STOP THINKING/DREAMING of these shoes. Literally, I dreamed about them tonight.

I need to find a way to get these boots. I think I may try to sell some stuff on Ebay to come up with the funds...can you sell four year olds?

Then I have to figure out WHICH color to get cause I WANT THEM ALL!!!

Oh Steve Madden, why do you tease me so?

Happily Married

2009-12-20T21:17:00.001-05:00

We don't have much.

But we have each other.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaMpkjLYh1M

A little of this and a little of that...

2009-12-13T23:35:00.003-05:00

So lately things have been looking up even though it is dreary as all hell outside and I usually fall into a swirling black hole of depression this time of year I am trying to stay positive and look for the sunshine in everyday, (how cheesy is that?).

My husband and I are still making things harder on ourselves by having one car. We have only had one vehicle for over a year and although it was manageable before... his newest position as Manager in Training for Outback has placed him in freaking East Greenwich. The 40 minute drive to and from twice a day is a killer, I try as much as I can to not take the car but with him working till 9 or 10 every night and me needing to go to work there is no other alternative. Meg has been super helpful in providing rides and childcare for me but I think I am going to try to get June to push my lessons onto two days starting in the new year. I just can't keep running around like this, I want to be more involved with my kids and home life. Which is funny cause I'm home all day but I feel like I miss out on so much being at work every night even for only a few hours.

I've started watching another baby here on Mondays. His name is Cody and although he is four days younger than Savs he would give Tucker a run for his money on a football field! It is helping tremendously with the bills, just having that little bit of extra cash come in is going to allow us to pull off Christmas this year for Aidan. (Thank goodness Savannah has no idea what is going on yet).

Speaking of Santa we have employed Simon, our resident "elf on a shelf", in our home daily to keep an eye on Aidan and report back to Santa whether he should be on the naughty or nice list this year. It is truly hysterical to watch Aidan try to find him everyday.

My largest concern right now is not that our rent is passed due, or that we don't have more than $34 to our names, it's that my very first memory that I can recall with detail and complete certainty and without a doubt was when I was four years old. Same age as Aidan. Which theoretically means that THIS Christmas could prove to be THE memory he remembers, the first one. I so desperately want it to count. (I mean my first memory was of DisneyWorld and we all know what happened to me from there) ;)

Our landlord gave us a $40 Toys R Us card yesterday which I used to get two of the things on his list, and the poor boy didn't ask for anything extravagant either, bless him. I'll scan and post the copy of his Christmas letter to Santa (first ever) tomorrow. Right now I need to tend to my sick baby girl :(

Tomorrow makes one year....

2009-11-21T17:53:00.001-05:00

I, Sara, take you, Benjamin, my best friend, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; in times of failure and in times of triumph, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, from this day forward until death do us part, into eternity, to infinity and beyond.

NEW MOON!

2009-11-20T04:16:00.003-05:00

Me, Ben, Jessica and Dave went and saw New Moon at midnight tonight. I loved it. I knew I would. The chemistry seemed to be stronger between Jacob and Bella this time than between her and Edward. Weird. It's also weird that we were all drooling over a freaking 17 year old. Damn cougars we are!

I can not wait for Eclipse!

This leaves me breathless

2009-10-30T01:32:00.000-04:00

DAMN IT SEX AND THE CITY!!!!!!!

2009-10-21T11:48:00.002-04:00

Top 10 Baby names of 2008

Boys Names

1 Aiden
2 Jayden
3 Ethan
4 Jacob
5 Caden
6 Jackson
7 Noah
8 Jack
9 Logan
10 Matthew

Son of a bitch! I thought really hard about that name, I picked it before Sex and The City was so popular and their character Aiden even existed!!! I even referred to the original Irish spelling, A-i-d-A-n. Soooooooooooooooooooo pissed. After having the name Sara in the 80's, when it was in its prime, I was trying to give my son the chance to not be "Aidan (insert last initial here)" in his class. Stupid HBO and their hit series ruined my son's original name. Bastards.

Playing face games with Daddy...

2009-10-21T11:41:00.003-04:00

Whom she TOTALLY adores.

Now THATS a workout!

2009-10-12T11:12:00.004-04:00

This morning I took advantage of my baby-free Monday to go to a Zumba class at my gym.

It is an hour later and my body is already screaming. Such an AWESOME workout and its fun. I have to say, being a dance instructor, even after just having a baby I thought I would be better equipped for this class. I was sweating like I have NEVER sweat before. It was...intense, to say the least.

Can't wait to try it again on Friday.

Some info on ZUMBA;

The Class
Zumba classes generally last about an hour, and consist of a combination of Latin American dances, Hip-hop, belly dancing and other dance styles. Each instructor choreographs his or her own class routine, but the fundamentals of the exercise are designed to provide a strong cardio and muscular workout. The whole body moves in a Zumba class, helping to burn fat and build lean muscles.

Calories
Zumba workouts can vary in intensity, and calorie burn depends on an individual's weight, fitness level and muscle composition. On average, a 150-pound person can expect to burn 536 calories during an hour of Zumba. By comparison, the same person would burn 413 calories during an hour of moderate swimming, 477 for an hour of casual racquetball and 684 for an hour of running at a 10-minute-mile pace.

Sleeping and Smiling Beauty

2009-10-06T01:09:00.003-04:00

Savannah slept through the night last night! Midnight to 7am! AND she is starting to grace us with her beautiful toothless smile this week on command. Here are a few pictures for the viewers at home. :)

Today I realized...

2009-10-06T01:05:00.002-04:00

I love to say "my husband".

We've almost been married a year and I still love saying those words.

And I always will.

Dear Mom and Dad

2009-09-26T23:37:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to tell you that I had one of the best moments of my life today and it wouldn't have been so significant if it were not for you two. Today Ben and I took Aidan and Savannah to The Big E. Walking through the gates and around the fair was definitely the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. I was instantly transported back to a hundred memories of us there as a family when I was a kid and let me tell you NOTHING has changed! We walked through the buildings of living infomercials and craft carts, took Aidan on a camel ride, fed animals at the petting zoo, went to the farm building and saw the chick hatchery and all the veggies that won awards this year, checked out the clydesdale horses, went to the Maine building for a baked potato (but the line was over 60 minutes long so we opted to go eat in the Sam Adams Tavern in the old village they have set up), we went to the Midway and rode some rides and I got all nostalgic over the machine gun game (the one you used to play Dad where you have to shoot out the red star on the paper), OH and I saw the 50 cent birthday game! (I took pictures I couldn't help myself.) Aidan had an absolute
blast and we can't wait to take them again next year, continuing my(our) own family tradition.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for an amazing childhood memory that I get to share and pass down to my children.

I still can't believe I took MY KIDS to The Big E today. Wow.

Love Always,
Sara

Pictures!

2009-09-08T13:21:00.004-04:00

The latest whirlwind of events

2009-09-08T13:03:00.002-04:00

Savannah Rose is here!!! Born August 26, 2009 @ 2:56pm after 19 hours and 10 minutes of labor. She was 6lbs, 9oz of beautiful baby girl that had my love the second I laid eyes on her. Full head of brown hair and dark blue eyes, her little feet and hands were blue-ish for the first few hours but pinked up after that. I cried for the first week she was here, so happy to finally have the baby girl I always wanted, to be able to share that with the man of my dreams, and to finally be a complete family of four feels like a fairytale that I am not worthy of.

We politely requested that only grandparents, (and Megan of course) come to the hospital after her birth so that we could have a few private days to bond as a family before we brought her home. Everyone obliged respectively and we were able to have some really sincere, heartfelt moments alone with our new baby girl. I will treasure those moments forever. The nursing staff at Memorial was AMAZING I have all of their names and plan on doing something special for them soon.

Things I want to remember about my 19 hour labor;

Trisha the nurse from heaven moved us to the large private labor room the second her shift started, this is the same nurse that we had the Saturday before when we were in "early stage labor" and sent home.

I nearly passed out when my water broke, I had some kind of physiological reaction and literally lost my blood pressure for a few minutes. Very scary and the worst part of the entire thing.

Contractions started at 7:46pm on Tuesday the 25th. Ben kept track while he played video games until 1am.

Mum and Dad Norman were there most of the night and morning, being very supportive and trying to keep my spirits up as much as possible. I had a few moments of snapping at Mum, but I apologized the next day of course.

My midwife Michelle Palmer from East Bay was able to make it!! This was one of the best things I can say, she stuck to her word and even though she wasn't on call, she was there for me.

My husband, never left my side. Never, and actually refused food since I couldn't eat either. (we were able to talk him into eating something but the gesture was breathtakingly romantic in my 14th hour of labor.)

All in all we are adjusting nicely. Aidan is in big brother mode full swing and she is like clockwork with her sleep and feeding schedule. I barely have to look at a clock when she wakes up I already know what time it is. :)

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

2009-08-12T21:11:00.001-04:00

I had to post pictures in my blog so I will always have them. Most of the things on and around the crib can not stay there because it is just not "baby-safe" but for a month or so she can have some pretty things to look at right?

A quote my sister found

2009-08-12T05:18:00.000-04:00

"While I can run, I'll run; while I can walk, I'll walk; when I can only crawl, I'll crawl. But, I'll always be moving forward." ~*~Cavett Robert~*~

Wasting away again...

2009-08-09T18:54:00.007-04:00

Ben and I took last Thursday night to have a much needed night out to ourselves and ended up eating at Jimmy Buffet's Margarittaville in Mohegan Sun Casino. Trying so hard to imagine we were back on our honeymoon in Orlando at the Jimmy Buffet's there. We had a great time despite the atrocious service we got and the money we lost. We don't get out "just us" very often at all so it is so wonderful to just have an evening when we don't have to worry about where Aidan is or what time we have to be home. Jennise, Ben's cousin, has been an AMAZING help to us over the past few months and I really don't know what I would do without her. She so nicely came over to spend the night and watch Aidan so we could go out with no worries.

Here are some of the pictures from that night. The first one pictured here is a slot machine Ben played for HOURS and was actually doing quite well at for a while. The rocks with the wolf on top is in front of the Wolf Den stage and the wolf moves, and looks real when he does I had to take a picture. Once an hour or so at Jimmy's a giant upside down volcano in the ceiling starts spinning out of control giving birth to a GIANT tequila bottle that spits margaritas into a HUGE pitcher, it was hard to get a clear nice shot but I did my best!

T-13 days

2009-08-09T18:44:00.002-04:00

13 days till the due date. My back is killing me today and I am becoming increasingly cranky by the day. Today I actually feel sick, like I have a bug or something. Stuffy nose, achy all over, and completely and utterly exhausted. I have a final psych paper due tomorrow by midnight that I am TRYING to get done but just can't seem to get the steam to get the engine moving. Ben has the next two days off so I assume we will be able to completely finish the house (living room is all that's really left) and pack our hospital/labor bag and Aidan's overnight bag just in case he ends up staying over at Megan's. Although I am sure my mother will go snag him as soon as she can cause she is just like that. Which I guess is good because Meg has her own TWO kids to deal with now ;)

Megan, Laura, Jeanine (AKA the Mom Squad) and the kids all came over last Friday and we set up the bouncy house and sprinkler for the kids. I wish I was more hospitable that day as I spent most of the day complaining about being pregnant, crying to Megan or taking a nap. None-the-less they were able to get a few smiles and laughs out of me. I am so thankful for such a supportive circle of Mommy friends. I just wish that my gal pal Jessica and Jen (Megan's good friend) lived closer so we could all get together.

We started to build our "home"

2009-08-06T16:24:00.003-04:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post Ben and I have been hitting IKEA lately with two main goals;

1. To get a king size bed as our anniversary present to each other (even though our anniversary isn't until November).

2. To FINALLY get the bookshelves I have been lusting after for over almost two years.

We accomplished BOTH last week and here are some of the pictures of our NEW furniture. New is a big thing for us, since pretty much 99% of the things we own are hand-me-downs or bought as second hand stores. The best part was we were able to score the bookshelves at the IKEA two hour once a year clearance sale, what would have cost us over $234 I was able to snag for a mere $20.23! The pictures are a bit blurry cause the camera I was using is an oldie.

Ikea, every bargain shoppers dream

2009-08-01T21:37:00.001-04:00

I have a long post coming about the new bed Ben and I bought at IKEA on July 29th and another one about the AMAZING deal I got on my billy bookshelves I have been drooling over for over two years now but right now I need to get to bed. I just wanted to start a blog about it in case I forget to post the awesomeness that is IKEA.

Aidan's Birthday

2009-07-31T10:38:00.003-04:00

So for Aidan's birthday this year we are going to dress up and go to King Richard's Faire. This is something I have actually wanted to do for YEARS now and just never got the opportunity, time or money to do so. Ben and I have been trying to find things to wear to the event online, searching google, ebay, etsy, and all kinds of other sites. Ben finally found a dress for me and I LOVE IT!

Ben's dress is the back up in case the same company can not locate me the size I need in THIS dress. Which I am TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH!

Sometimes you need to have a happy reminder...

2009-07-30T23:45:00.002-04:00

So, I wanted to blog this so I never forget it.

After two years, three months, one week and four days of struggling to pay our bills. Ben and I were able to pay all of our July bills on time. ALL OF THEM.

Setting us up for a less stressful arrival for Savannah Rose. Knowing we have our finances under control and can truly focus on what will be one of the happiest moments of our lives together, her birth.

Just wanted to note this.

Happy thoughts, the truly happy ones, are hard to come by now-a-days.

Go Team Norman! I'm so proud of us.

Three year old wisdom

2009-07-27T08:29:00.003-04:00

While shopping at Target yesterday we passed the garden section and Aidan pointed to the giant bags and asked;

"What are those Mommy?"
"Bags of soil", I replied.
"What is soil?"
"It is a type of dirt."
He then countered with, "Who would buy dirt in a bag when you can get it outside? That's silly Mommy".

And Mommy didn't have an answer because she was laughing too hard.

In honor of my daughter

2009-07-25T02:56:00.004-04:00

I made the cake for my shower (and the favors as well). I don't care that it is 3am and I just finished putting the finishing touches on it. I love this cake so much I had to take pictures and post them right now.

The cake is a buttery yellow cake with strawberry filling and vanilla icing and white chocolate flowers on top (all made from scratch)!!!

I love you Savannah Rose and Mommy CAN NOT wait to meet you!! Here is to the first of all the very happy memories we will make together.

Obama is a Ninja

2009-07-20T19:28:00.001-04:00

In case anyone else on the planet missed this my wonderful friends from Albany told me about this last night and I just have to share its awesomeness.

God I love our President.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rbUH_iVjYw

5 weeks to go

2009-07-18T12:04:00.002-04:00

So my awesome midwife moved my due date up to August 23rd at my last appointment this past Thursday. I am so excited and at the same time completely panicked. Not because the baby will be here but because my house looks like a tornado hit it and I just can't clean fast enough and I know from my recovery from child birth with Aidan if I have another episiotomy I am going to be in even worse shape and now I have a loving in-law family as well as mine that will be visiting my dirty house.

I made a note that on the next not so sunny day I was going to gut the kitchen completely bleaching and washing everything and the floors, do all the laundry (including new baby clothes) and lysol/dust the rest of the house. I got the dusting done today and then couldn't breath. I feel like I am going to puke AGAIN today and I am having a really hard time breathing. Just like I was when they thought there was something wrong with my heart. Ben just came into the bathroom while I was attempting to lysol the toilet clean and scolded me to get up and not do that if I wasn't feeling good. I then had a mini breakdown of tears because I don't want my house messy when company comes to visit over the next few weeks between the shower and Savannah's arrival.

The worst part is it isn't even Aidan. It is just STUFF EVERYWHERE. And I am too pregnant for lack of a better word, to move it all.

So instead of getting the shit done I wanted to today I am going to my mom's to literally wade in her freezing pool and try not to pass out.

What a waste of a day.

My proudest scholastic moment to date....

2009-07-12T22:42:00.005-04:00

93.6
That was my final grade in the evil statistics course.

It is such an inspiration to yourself when you completely struggle with something, you actually fear it, but try your hardest and manage to come out on top. I have a renewed faith in my determination, brain power and educational prowess.

93.6

Wow, can not believe I got an A.

Forbes Women Magazine

2009-07-09T19:23:00.002-04:00

According to Forbes Women Magazine the number 12th highest paying job is....

No. 12 Psychiatrists

Average Annual Pay: $154,050

One-Year Change: +4.4%

Employees in Field: 22,140

Best-Paying State: Nevada

The Job: Diagnose, treat and help prevent disorders of the mind.

Yeah baby! SO EXCITED TO GET STARTED HELPING WITH PATIENTS IN THE FALL!!!

A week of updates...

2009-07-09T11:52:00.002-04:00

So...last weekend was the 4th of July weekend spent entirely at the lake house. I'll post a few shots from our rare and beautifully sunny weekend. It looks like its back to rain again. It doesn't even feel like Summer. It rained 25 days in June and July is not looking to be all that promising either.

In other news Jennise and I FINALLY finished painting the living room yesterday. I am paying for it today as my back, feet, and shoulders are very very sore. I don't know if it is entirely from painting or if my tossing and turning all night is a factor. I'm one day away from 33 weeks now and I am finding it very hard to get comfortable. It doesn't matter if I'm standing, walking, sitting or laying down I just can't seem to find a comfortable position. I feel like the baby has "dropped" a little bit since there is a lot more pressure on my lower stomach than there was before but it still isn't helping with the breathing. On a trip to Home Depot with Ben yesterday I thought I was going to pass out for a minute when we were standing in the checkout line. Luckily as always, something sugary or caffeinated did the trick in getting my blood pressure up and going.

Last night Ben and I also had our first "baby class" as Ben calls it. We met another great couple named Chris and Tama who are due within five days of us with a baby boy. The highlight of the class for me was when we watched "the video" and I had Ben on the right of me and Chris to the left of me and they were making the same groans and facial expressions it was hysterical.

The dreaded Statistics class is over I am just awaiting my final grade and psychological research started Tuesday. I wish there was a mini-break between classes. I feel like I am constantly trying to read chapters and get work done. This program is intense but I a so happy that it allows me to finish my BA degree in one year instead of two.

OH!!! Butler Hospital contacted me yesterday and I have been preliminarily accepted into their internship program for the Fall!!! Not only do I get to work in a psychiatric hospital but I will be in the clinical department working with patients!

Now I have something else to look forward to after Savannah gets here. AND this will set me up nicely for a paid position once I am done in March and maybe Ben won't have to work like a crazy loon.

How far do you go for a neighbor?

2009-07-03T19:23:00.002-04:00

My downstairs neighbor's dryer in the basement caught on "fire" almost two months ago. She never cleaned the lint trap or any other part of it and after 20 years it killed itself. She wasn't home at the time. Ben and I were and Ben was able to get everything under control barring a fire extinguisher and when she came home we explained to her and the landlord what had happened.

Instead of replacing the dryer she cleaned it off and kept using it.

Now about a month after that it has died again. She called someone to come look at it. They told her it was going to cost too much to replace and fix it and she should go buy a new dryer. That day she called upstairs and asked if she could put her clothes she had started before the dryer died in our dryer so they would be dry for tomorrow morning. We told her sure not a problem, and I ran downstairs and removed our clean clothes from the dryer.

Now, she is still using our dryer. Which normally I wouldn't care except it is hooked into our electric and our bill. Not to mention I feel like I am back at a laundromat again waiting or wondering when I get to use the dryer and when the other tenants will be done with it. Only its my dryer. My mother bought Ben and I a washer and dryer as our shower gift so that we would have to go to the laundromat when the new baby gets here. It's new, it's mine, and I want to use it.

Our downstairs neighbor is a single mother, with a child with special needs. So I feel bad asking her when the hell she is going to get her dryer since her "one time" has become a daily load of clothes or two.

What is the right thing to do here?

Calling all bullshit

2009-07-01T16:53:00.005-04:00

*Moved to private blog*

Can be found in "No Comment"

Hello Kitty

2009-06-28T02:00:00.000-04:00

I had a few cake jobs this weekend one of which was a Hello Kitty cake for a little girl's birthday party. "She wanted it to be pink inside but not strawberry." Here was the finished product. :)

Traveler's Notch

2009-06-26T19:03:00.001-04:00

Oh and I got some new art today too!!!

Traveler's Notch by MukkekaWoman

http://artbymukkekawoman.com/

Anniversary Switch-a-roo

2009-06-26T17:58:00.000-04:00

Ben and I were at IKEA today and we fell in love with a bed they had there. Only it is going to cost us around $1200 for the whole package and since this is actually what we said we were going to get as our wedding gifts for each other last November we made a brilliant decision today to scrap our NYC vow-renewal and to BUY OURSELVES OUR DREAM BED!! We still want to renew our vows every year and we want to renew them in every state so this year since we are switching to the new bed idea we are going to renew our vows in Rhode Island lol. We are also going to stick with our plans to send the children to Mom's for the weekend so that we can have our own private time. Which will most likely now be spent in our new KING size bed from heaven. :) I keep trying to find a picture that does the setup we picked justice but I just can't. Next time I go to IKEA I'll have to take a picture.

YAY for no more sleeping on a mattress on the floor! FANTASTIC ANNIVERSARY IDEA & GIFT!

LOVE YOU BABE!

...I am in complete shock.

2009-06-25T20:50:00.000-04:00

Sadly this week Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died. Farah passed away from cancer and Michael died from cardiac arrest today. I am at a loss for words.

Rest In Peace great entertainers of the world. We will never forget you.

67 days

2009-06-23T19:38:00.000-04:00

Only 67 days left until Savannah's due date. My feet are sore and swollen on a daily basis now but happily I am still stretch mark free, just like I was for Aidan. So thankful for my good genes and elastic stomach. The new house still looks like we just moved in even though we have been here a month. Mainly due to my lack of mobility and because Ben's time out of work is so sensitive I try not to ask him to do anything other than take the garbage out or to carry the occasional load of laundry up or down the two flights of stairs for me. The highly intrusive waves of fatigue from the first trimester have re-emerged at literally the worst possible time. It is raining out, and has been for the past 23 days so my SAD is in full swing on top of having my hardest college class to date I am just as mentally drained as I am physically drained.

On a side note Graduation date has been set for me, May 8th is when I walk the stage to get my BA in Psychology. My classes are actually over the beginning of March so I have two months of job hunting open while I wait for the diploma. I am excited to see Iowa for the first time, not so excited that we may have to leave the kids behind for a smoother trip. There is a good chance we'll be driving though so who knows maybe they will tag along anyway. I'd love to look at them from the stage when I get my diploma, knowing my husband and children are my driving force behind my education it will be a nice moment for me.

Back to the real reason for this post, 67 days till baby! I really need to get cracking on setting up the mini nursery in our room that we are going to make for her. I have allotted the space and know where things are going to go it is just a matter of getting them. I already ordered the wall wording "Believe in Fairies" for over her crib. Really I can't do much until I have the fabric in for the bedding and the crib. Maybe I can start on that next week. She is so active now. Moving my entire belly when she moves and "hiding" in various spots in my stomach, which has actually led to a pretty neat new game Ben and I play with my belly called "where's the baby?" where we feel around and try to find her.

67 days.

I can not wait to meet her.

Where do I live again?

2009-06-21T10:48:00.000-04:00

It has been raining for about 20 days now. So in hopes of my favorite season of Summer arriving today I checked the ten day forecast at Weather.com.

Ten day weather forecast;

Jun 21 Rain 64°/57°
Jun 22 Showers 63°/57°
Jun 23 Showers 64°/58°
Jun 24 Isolated T-Storms
Jun 25 Isolated T-Storms 80°/63°
Jun 26 Isolated T-Storms 83°/63°
Jun 27 Few Showers 83°/62°

If I wanted to live in a place where it rained a majority of the time I would move to Seattle. Even in Florida when it rains almost daily in the afternoon for a half hour or so it is SUNNY when it does so.

Seriously WTF I would like my Summer please. Maybe I'll write a strongly worded letter to Mother Nature...

The Cake Biz

2009-06-18T18:30:00.001-04:00

I have two cake jobs set up for next weekend and I can not wait to make them!! Here are the templates of what I am doing for the two events...

Rambles and Thoughts that are swimming in my brain...

2009-06-15T13:50:00.000-04:00

I have so much to do before the baby gets here and not enough money to do it. What else is new right? Ben and I are finally in the groove of our budget and tackling all the elements head on. I just wish my shower was closer so that I could "nest" the gifts and set up for Savannah and such. I find it really disheartening that my grandfather (Mauck) passed away yesterday and didn't get to see his great granddaughter. Especially since this is the only grandparent I currently talk to. He had lung cancer and said to my mother "I don't want to die, why can't they fix me?" right before he passed away.

I am in a statistics class, as I blogged about earlier and I really need to get cracking on the studying. I am ashamed to say I am skating by this class because of my lack of motivation to do said work. I find it tedious and boring. I like psychology because of all the theory involved. Statistics, even for social sciences, is still just a fancy name for math. I loathe math.

Scrabble has become a weeknight event in our home. I enjoy this quiet time with my husband very much and am so lucky to have someone that is truly a companion in my life.

I had to rip apart the bell bottom pants I was knitting for Sav because on Saturday I knit the wrong side and had to undo it and when I did that and then purled (pearled?) as I was supposed to I dropped THREE stitches and didn't notice until SEVEN rows later. Unable to be as awesome as my friend Meg and just fix the damn stitch I ripped it apart in hormonal anger and started all over again last night.

My belly is really starting to get in the way now. I can hardly bend over and going up the stairs is a pain in the ass. And riding in the car is almost torture, they really should make a bra for your belly when your pregnant so it is fully supported. lol. Bumps and such in the road really make for an uncomfortable ride. I can not believe she is going to be here in approximately ten and a half weeks!

On a trip to Lowes yesterday I finally decided on a paint color for the living room (which has become Mommy's room), it's called Chilled Wine and is this kind of merlot/wine/purpleish red color. Once I finish putting this damn living room in order I will be painting, hopefully tomorrow, and will take pictures to post once I'm done.

My mother and step dad offered me, Ben, Aidan and Savannah the time share in Florida next June for a week and we are SO EXCITED!!!! This means I will definitely be able to take Aidan to see Mickey Mouse next year! (not to mention shop for GIRLY things at Disney for our baby girl.)

I got to see my gorgeous niece today and she is such a riot. Grunting and laughing and baby talking to us, I just can not believe how big she has gotten since February. She holds her head up and you can see in her beautiful eyes that she is thinking about what she wants and she just can't quite get her body to do it yet.

Ben and I were chatting in the car today and realized that if I work and he works the way he is for one year and we just direct deposit my paycheck into a savings account that at the end of the year we could be in a house, a nice house, with land. Oh and I am really considering going to VT for a night or two with the hubby. Just have to find a time that is right for us. It will be hard now that we will have two kids. Gosh I can't believe it...I'm going to have kidS. Plural. As in more than one. I am so fucking lucky and blessed. It may not look perfect to anyone on the outside but I really do have the best life ever. I never thought I would be this happy. I didn't even think it was possible. See, Cinderella is not the only one who gets the happily ever after fairytale. ;)

Sav's face

2009-06-12T00:51:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep. All I can think about is the ultrasound we had today. We saw the most amazing thing...our daughters face.

Can you see her nose and lips?

How about her face resting on her arm and squishing her face?

Technology is so awesome.

Happy Birthday baby

2009-06-11T02:07:00.000-04:00

Pictures from birthday photos for Ben. I am 28 weeks pregnant with Savannah. Happy Birthday baby. I love you.

Tucker James

2009-06-10T14:29:00.000-04:00

Born 6-8-09
11:23am
8lbs 3oz

I cried my eyes out. He is so precious I am so happy for Megan and Andrew. Can not wait for him to meet Savannah. I have had the little princess Rebekkah over here the past few days and today we made mini-cupcakes for her preschool class to celebrate Tucker's arrival.

Latest Knitting Project

2009-06-09T00:33:00.001-04:00

I am determined to keep knitting my goal for my 101 list for Savannah Rose. This is the next project that I am starting tomorrow morning.

Professor Feedback from Social Psychology Final paper

2009-06-08T21:42:00.001-04:00

I live for shit like this to pop up in my email box.

"I am pleased that you enjoyed the class and even more pleased that you learned much. You have presented a comprehensive review of the topic of attraction. You have summarized the material well. You have a good mastery of the subject matter. You exhibit a good understanding of the information. Your paper illustrates a good interpretation of the facts. Your paper is in perfect APA format. You have addressed the topic fully. You have supported your assertions with appropriate resources. Your writing is clear, concise and grammatically sound. No errors were noted. Great job!"

Now if only this damn statistics class would allow me to live up to my potential. Grrrr

Statistics is the current evil in my life

2009-06-07T20:15:00.001-04:00

I took my first quiz for statistics tonight. I was going to wait for Ben to get home so he could sit with me while I took it in case I needed his help and then in a burst of self righteousness I decided that the whole point of a quiz is to test your knowledge of the subject so far. If Ben were to help me then technically I am not doing myself any service. I have never been a good math student. I get easily stressed out and overwhelmed and have the worst test anxiety ever. Ben has told me to reverse my thinking and so I did, I studied the chapter, reading it twice and practiced the problems throughout the chapter. I felt fully prepared to venture into my timed online quiz tonight without Ben's help. So I did....and this student, who in the last 4 classes has had a final average above 97 got a 75 on her statistics quiz.

I give up.

I am going to contact my old professor at BCC and see if he is available for tutoring this week before I fall farther behind.

@#$%!!! There goes the GPA!! I KNEW IT!!!

Gag

2009-06-04T19:48:00.001-04:00

So my "Statistics for the Behavioral and Social Sciences" class started tonight. I already hate it. I have no interest in this, I hate math and I always have. I am determined to keep my GPA however so I have committed myself to extra studying and rereading of the chapters...no matter how painful this shit is.

I give you exhibit A;

I'm going to go throw up now.

Final paper I wrote for Social Psych.

2009-06-01T23:17:00.000-04:00

The Psychology of Attraction, Love Relationships and Intimacy

By the ideas of modern psychology there are four main things that cause attraction between two people. These four things are more strongly associated with friendship and early stages of more intimate relationships (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). These four staples are proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity and familiarity. In the paper that follows this author will dive into the foundations of attraction, what love is, the evolving ideas involving intimacy and the lasting effects relationships can imprint on our psychological map.

Physical attractiveness is one of the first things that come to mind when a person is asked about the laws of attraction. Studies have led to the idea that that physical attractiveness draws people to one another. Although most psychologists agree that physical appearance affects the level of attraction between two people, they are in disagreement with deciding why this is such (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). Some suggest that people are attracted to a "better-looking" person because being associated with "handsome" or “beautiful” people enhance social standing and self-esteem. Others suggest that men are attracted to women for biological reasons. Meaning, men seek women who are physically attractive because those physical qualities seem to be associated with youth and fertility (Feldman, 2005). Alexander Todorov and his colleagues performed a study at Princeton University in 2005 in which students were shown photographs of the two major candidates in 95 US Senate races and 600 US House of Representative races that had taken place since 2000. Based on looks alone they were able to properly pick the winners of the elections based solely on looks. The cuter, more baby-faced candidates were the winners in 72% of the senate races and 67% of the House races (Myers, 2008).

Proximity, the geological nearness and functional distance, between two people can also be a very effective factor on whether the relationship will have attraction or repugnance (Myers, 2008). The Pew survey proves that people are 38% more likely to marry someone who lives in the same neighborhood attends the same school, church, social functions and gym or works in the same building or area (Myers, 2008). The closer two people live to each other the more likely it is for them to like one another. Research has shown that the best single predictor of whether two people are friends is how far apart they live (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). This idea leads into one of the other staples of attraction, familiarity.

One of the major reasons proximity creates liking and attraction is that it increases familiarity. Generally speaking, the more a person interacts with another person, the more attraction builds between them (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). Familiarity is one of the pillars that allow a person to trust another person more openly. Several studies have shown that facial attractiveness is positively correlated with familiarity, the more a person visually acknowledges another person the more likely they are to become attracted to each other (Peskin & Newell).

The fourth piece of the attraction puzzle is similarity; how alike two people are can better predict how they will get along. This idea does not say mean that doctor will marry a doctor. Instead, it makes states that those interested in medicine are attracted to those interested in medicine. Statistics show that people who become a couple or enter into a relationship do so according to similarities in race, age, religion, education, physical characteristics, and other general characteristics (Newcomb, 1963). Additonal findings suggest that similarity and attraction are multidimensional building blocks (Lydon, Jamieson & Zanna, 1988), in which people are attracted to others who are similar to them in demographics, physical appearance, attitudes, interpersonal style, social and cultural background, personality, interests and activities preferences, and communication and social skills. A study conducted by Theodore Newcomb (1963) on college dorm roommates suggested that individuals with shared background, majors, attitudes, values, and political views became friends.

Moving forward from attraction into the topic of love this writer found numerous theories on what love is, how it forms and how to keep it sustained. The following paragraphs will briefly describe what happens in that transition from attraction to relationship while dissecting the theories of compassionate and passionate love. According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues these best represent the two basic types of love (Morgan & Shaver, 1999).

Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other. This writer feels that this type of love in particular is what married couples strive for and try not to let go of. Another psychologist states, “Companionate love, not compassionate love, is the affection a person feels for those with whom their lives are deeply intertwined (Meyers, 2008).

Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). According to Hatfield, passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love when the person “meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person” (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). Ideally passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring, rewarding and substantial. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield states that this is rare as one usually gives in to the other over time.

Another factor in relationships is intimacy. This author believes Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D. sums it up best. She states that "for starters, intimacy means that we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way." There are as many different ways to describe what intimacy is as there are stars in the sky. It means something different to each individual person. To some it is purely sexual; to others is it a giving and sharing of their spirit or soul with another human being. No matter how one views intimacy many psychologists say a relationship will not survive without it. That with intimacy there is a level of commitment and trust onto another person that the bond between them becomes more permanent.

Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships. Therefore, one can not measure their level and gage of intimacy along side another persons idea of intimacy. It is all a matter of psychological perception. To sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well developed emotional and interpersonal awareness (Morgan & Shaver, 1999). Intimacy requires an ability to be both separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. This is called self-differentiation (Meyers, 2008). It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict, and intense loyalty. Lacking the ability to differentiate one self from the other is a form of symbiosis (symbiosis relationships are associations in which one organism lives on another), a state that is different from intimacy, even if feelings of closeness are similar (Morgan & Shaver, 1999).

After discussing the four ideas of attraction in modern psychology this writer was presented with a strong appreciation for what is associated with friendship, attraction and early stages of the more intimate relationship. Proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity and familiarity all prepare a person for a solid foundation in a relationship and could prove to add to the foreshadowing of love one might find down the relationship road. In the better understanding of what love is and its subcategories one can clearly see which direction they are likely to conclude in. Intertwining new concepts and evolving ideas involving intimacy into these dealing with love may ultimately have a lasting effect on one’s psychological map.

References

Feldman, Robert S. (2005). Understanding Psychology (7^th Ed). New York: McGraw-

Hill Companies Inc.

Lydon, J. E., Jamieson, D. W., & Zanna, M. P. (1988). Interpersonal similarity and the

social and intellectual dimensions of first impressions. Social Cognition, (pp 269-

286).

Morgan, H. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1999). Attachment processes and commitment to

romantic relationships. In J. M. Adams & W. H. Jones (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal commitment and relationship stability (pp. 109-124). New York: Plenum.

Myers, David. (2008). Social Psychology (9^th Ed). New York: McGraw-Hill Companies

Inc.

Newcomb, T. M. (1963). Stabilities underlying changes in interpersonal attraction.

Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology (pp. 376-386.)

Peskin M, & Newell F N, 2004, "Familiarity breeds attraction: Effects of exposure on the

attractiveness of typical and distinctive faces" Perception. http://www.perceptionweb.com/abstract.cgi?id=p5028

Duh!!

2009-06-01T17:52:00.001-04:00

It only took me 27 weeks to return to my original idea for Savannah's room. I am so excited and mad at myself for leaving this idea in the first place. YAY for FINALLY making a decision I can stick to! Savannah's baby room will be a version of Pixie Hollow in Neverland. (Meg is going to laugh cause I told her that's what I wanted to do before I was even 9 weeks pregnant lol).

Just an idea to run off of...

Just another day in paradise...

2009-06-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things

Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Well, it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

For just another day in paradise
Well, it's the kids screaming. The phone ringing
Just another day
Well, it's Friday. You're late
Oh yeah, it's just another day in paradise

By Paul Vasser